July 5th 2017
You know life's funny sometimes. Yesterday we saw our neurologist, and oh my lord he is a freaking awesome human being!
The last year and a half has been so messed up and miserable - we had weird diagnoses all over the place about why my leg and foot weren't working and why I was in so much pain - and in the end it's been something oh so simple.
I was on some medication called Cymbalta (Duloxetine), which is a type of anti-depressant. I was initially put on it because it has an off label use as relief for nerve pain which I have been getting in varying degrees for the last three and a half years with my busted discs in my back.
I had wondered here and there if it was the medication causing issues with my nerves but kept taking it as prescribed. And the more we couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, the more miserable I got. The more miserable I got, the more I needed an anti-depressant. So my dosage was increased, and increased again. And my leg function deteriorated, and deteriorated more still.
Seriously people, I was in a bad place. I thought I was losing my mind. And some of the doctors we saw, encouraged me in that belief. Then we saw the marvellous Dr. Cunningham.
And one of his first suggestions was to come off the Cymbalta because he as a neurologist, does not recommend or like prescribing those kinds of drugs for off label use. He said come off it.
So I did. And it was a nightmare. I felt like what a full on drug addict must feel like going through withdrawal. It. Was. Awful.
But now, now I feel amazing.
I feel like me again. My leg and foot work again. I definitely have back pain and some nerve pain, but my body works.
I came off that medication about three months ago now, and we saw Dr. Cunningham yesterday. He said I have Tarsal Tunnel in my ankle and my back is toast with 3 out of the 5 lumbar discs buggered. But we knew my back was toast all along, and he doesn't think it will always be toast. It might go back to being bread at some point, just not really great bread.
And my ankle might get better with time, or he might do cortisone injections and failing all else surgery on the tendon down the track. But that's it.
All that time, all that frustration, and it's something so ridiculously simple.
And so I've been thinking about the fact that I can go back to driving, I can have my independence back and thinking about all that time that I 'lost'. And you know what? I am actually grateful for the time I lost.
Because life is funny. If I hadn't had all these issues crop up, I would have gone back to uni and would have only had a year and a half left of my teaching degree. BUT, I wouldn't have my business, I wouldn't have the plan for our business and I wouldn't have the clarity about where we are headed in our lives and business. And who knows if we would've bought our house either?
There is so much to be grateful for, and to appreciate about the position we are currently in, and about the future that we can see because of our business. If I hadn't experienced the last year and a half the way I did, I wouldn't have been in the position I was in to make decisions I have made.
So while I might be frustrated at the events of the last 18 months, I can appreciate where we've ended up, and the strength that time has given me.
So life is funny. Sometimes all that shit that gets thrown at you is just preparing you for something great down the track.