Goodbye 2015

Well it's the very last day of 2015. Time to reflect on the year that's behind and ponder on the year that is to come. 

2015 was a difficult year and one I am happier than normal to see the back of. There have been so many opportunities over the last twelve months for me to say "why me?". And in all honesty, there have been so many times where I just couldn't cope. My mental energy to deal with all the assorted crap that has been thrown, was zapped and useless. This year more than any other, has seen me falter in my normal optimism and cheerfulness. I have hidden myself away, I have cried and I have sunk into some pretty deep black holes. 

I don't need to go into details of what went on; those who need to know, know. And for those who don't know, just trust me when I say that we've dealt with some very serious and heavy (for want of a better word) stuff. And it's been exceptionally difficult. 

But you know what? I'm okay. I am alive. And I AM coping. I am getting there, putting one foot in front of the other every day and I have accomplished a lot in the mean time too. My little business is growing and doing well, and our plans for the future are looking bright and do-able. 

So this New Years' Eve, I want to say thank you. Thank you to those who have understood me, who have put up with me, and who have stood by me despite the emotional rollercoaster I've been on (and subsequently dragged them onto). Thank you to those who still love me and who still make me smile. Thank you for not giving up when I was a miserable cow lashing out at those closest to me.

My goals for 2016 are pretty simple really. I just want to be happy and healthy, and I want my family to be happy and healthy. That's it. Nothing more. 

So to that end, I will choose to focus on the good. To get up each morning and remember that I am thankful for all I have in my life; there are so many who have so much less. 

I am alive, I am loved and I love. We are safe and in the grand scheme of things we have very little to worry about. The bad things will happen regardless of whether I focus on them, so I am choosing to not think about that side of things. I'd rather enjoy the moments we create in the here and now, than worry about what's going to happen next. 

And in those times where pain gets too much to bear I will cry and I will allow myself to be sad or frustrated. But I am choosing to understand that it's temporary, and I know I have people around me who will remind me of that fact. 

This coming year I am going to allow myself to say no. I am not going to over-commit myself, and I am not going to stress myself over what others might think. 2016 is the year I say "it's okay to do what you need to do for yourself and not feel guilty about that."

So from my very imperfect family to yours, from the screaming toddler and the moody teenagers and the slightly odd little boy, have a wonderful and safe New Year. Thanks for sticking around, and thanks for putting up with my (probably) insane sounding rants at times. 

May your 2016 be everything YOU hope for, and may you too, focus on the good.